It seemed everywhere I turned there were books, movies,
websites and documentaries talking about finding your true self and happiness. Some
suggested solitude was the answer, others relinquishing all possessions, some said
travelling the world and others recommended finding it through religion or spirituality.
Everyone is different and I believed one or more of these could definitely help
people in the pursuit of happiness, but what about the people who have children
and a husband to take into consideration? A lot of the suggestions and ideas I’d
discovered sounded somewhat selfish to me as a parent. I mean it would’ve been
great to take a trip around the world by myself with only the clothes on my
back but then who would’ve raised my two young children while I was away? My
husband needed to work to feed, clothe and educate them and I didn’t expect our
families to raise the children my husband and I chose to have. This meant I had
to find myself and happiness in a less dramatic way.
To be honest I think most of our self-discovery begins long
before we realise or want it too. High school was definitely a character building
environment where broad shoulders were needed to take the weight of the
expectations from teachers and parents, the peer pressure from classmates to be
“cool” and fit in and of course to push through the self-doubt and in my case
depression that came with it. Though at the time I’d felt as though I was in a long
dark tunnel with no end in sight, I somehow managed to find a way out of the
other side and in time it made me a stronger more confident person. If it
weren’t for the trials and tribulations of my teenage years and my early
twenties, I’m not sure if I would have
reached the point where I’m more confident with who I am and know that I can
handle almost anything that gets thrown my way. I am also lucky to have the
support of my family, friends and most importantly my husband to help me
through any future or current problems I might face.
Marriage was a huge deal for me, not only had I never
entertained the idea of being a “wife” but I had gotten myself through so much
of my own drama that I felt that I was too independent to be in a long term
relationship. But my husband Tim came along and made me realise that having
someone to lean on and help wasn’t a weakness, it was added strength. Least to say
my views changed and now I have been, for the most part, happily married for
four and a half years. Not long after we were married it was as though a hidden
switch flicked on inside of me and the desire to have a baby arose, another
thing I had never really thought about; being a mother.
After the birth of my first child Logan although a first
time mum, being away from work and on my own through most of the day meant my
mind wandered towards some of the big questions I’d never entertained before. “Can
I still be the person I was before? Who am I?” A good friend of mine suggested
a few books I might be interested in and then my conscious self-discovery
journey began.
To be continued….
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