What a year!

I started 2014 quite ambitious, I was determined to finish the year so that I was able look back and feel like I had achieved something. And I believe I have surpassed my own expectations.

Both of my children have thrived this year, my eldest began Kindy as a shy and stand offish kid but with the help of his teachers he graduated quietly confident and happy to take on new challenges. My youngest has gone from a 2 year old who cried and threw tantrums most days to a friendly, fun loving little girl who talks almost as well as her 4 year old brother.

The Kindy was also a stepping stone for me this year when I joined the committee to meet new people and feel like I was a part of the community. Although at times it became more work than I had expected I met some great people, made new friends and got to be a part of something that not only helped me get out of the house but helped my sons Kindy achieve some of its goals.

My little sister and her partner decided to get married this year which meant lots of celebrations. An engagement party, hens night and of course the wedding helped keep our calendar full and I was proud to be a part of her important milestones. Her wedding was beautiful and despite being the sickest I have ever been I did my best to fulfil all of my bridesmaid duties.

My little family were lucky enough to get away to the gold coast three times this year, once for my husband’s cousins wedding and twice to visit theme parks. I was also the lucky winner of a trip to XXXX Island to which I took my husband, sister and her new husband and we had an absolute blast and were in no way, shape or form ready to come home when the time came.

One of my greatest achievements this year was finishing my novel, and deciding to self-publish instead of taking the traditional route. There are many reasons why I came to this decision and I am now in the process of turning my dream into reality.

2014 was the year of getting off my butt and out into the world, 2015 will be for experiencing things I haven’t before and achieving things I have dreamt of for years. With a weeklong trip on my own to Cairns at the end of January, a weekend in Airlie in February, a 7 night Island Hopper cruise booked for May and a book launch, the start of 2015 is looking amazing! It makes turning 30 exciting. I look forward to what 2015 will bring me and my family.

I am a Writer!

“I am a writer!” It has taken me long time to find the courage to say it. To admit to people I not only love to write, I feel I’m good enough. Good enough to invest my own time and money to self-publish a book I’ve written (Even that was painful to type). I’ve found the courage to stop entertaining the “What ifs” and just go for it. Chase a dream I’ve had since I was an awkward 13 year old girl.

Is it a best seller? Will it make me millions of dollars? Probably not, I am realistic. Fame and fortune was never my goal. To hold a book in my hands and flip through the crisp pages with the name L J Higgins printed prominently on the front. That was my goal and still is. If people buy it, it will be a much appreciated bonus.

The fact so many people have been supporting and aiding me in my venture with the full knowledge they will most likely receive nothing other than a manuscript and a thank you in return makes the adventure even more unbelievable. People willing to help me make my dream come true without expecting something in return. We are made to believe it is rare in the world for people to do this but in my recent experience that is untrue.

In 2014 I will finally realise my dream when I launch my novel “Dawn of the Dreamer” a story almost two years in the making. Not to mention the years of writing which led to this point. I have already learnt so much. From how to create my own website through to how to sell myself as a brand (still a work in progress). The part which excites me the most is I know I will never stop learning as long as I write and publish books.

It is also amazing to finally have a release for the sometimes strange imagination I possess. An imagination ingrained in me since I was young and I hope to carry till the end. It has taken me years to embrace my inner strangeness. The odd way I sometimes see the world. Through writing I am finally proud to say, “I am Linda and Yes I am a tad different.”

Keep an eye out over the next few months as I move on to the next chapter of my publishing journey. And I thank you all for coming on this incredible adventure with me.

 L J Higgins

 

 

 

 

Finding Balance

We’ve all heard that stress is unhealthy, but sometimes it isn’t easy to decide if you are stressed or trying to get the most out of your days. Two months ago I thought I was travelling great. Healthy stay at home mum, exercising twice a week, crafting and writing (two things I love) and doing as much as I could for my sons Kindergarten. Then I got the beginnings of the everyday flu. A few days later I was bed ridden and a week later diagnosed with Viral Labyrinthitis.

What on earth is that? I hear you say. I had no idea either. Finally after visiting three doctors, two of which acted as though I was a hypochondriac, I had a name for the sickness that had put my whole life on hold. Viral Labyrinthitis is an infection of the inner ear that causes symptoms including dizziness. The condition is caused by a viral infection. Pretty much it is a viral vertigo and people who have experienced vertigo in any form know how horrible it feels and how helpless you feel when you have it.

 How would I describe it? I constantly felt drunk. Not the “I’m so happy let’s dance” drunk, but the “oh my goodness the world keeps spinning, and I have an overwhelming feeling to vomit” drunk. Thanks to the help of my husband and mother I was able to recover and after four weeks the dizziness had subsided.

What is the point to this story? Despite what you may think I’m not chasing sympathy, although that's always nice. My point comes from the fact that the doctor strongly believed that I developed the Viral Labyrinthitis because of stress. At first I was adamant I wasn’t stressed, I was just trying to get as much out of the day as possible. After discussions with my husband who had no doubt and having a hard look at my lifestyle I had to agree. In trying to be more than just a mum I had lost the balance in my life and had become too busy. Keeping a clean house and a healthy diet, editing my manuscript and pushing to publish my first novel by the end of the year, creating two to three banners a day for my small business on Ebay and fulfilling my duties as secretary at my sons Kindy were some of the activities on my list.

My body was screaming "SLOW DOWN!" I needed to stop trying to cram so much into the day, and spend time enjoying the amazing life I have. Sometimes it feels like life is throwing you a curve ball and at the time we ask “why me?” But after looking at the lead up to my being sick I asked, “why not?” Something had to give and luckily I was able to recover and slow my life down. All I ask of you reading this is to take stock of your life. Make sure you aren’t just flying through instead of taking in the wonderful life you have around you. Enjoy the drive to drop your child off at school, the sunshine on your skin, being able to make your own breakfast, being able to express yourself through writing, craft or whatever hobby you enjoy. Because these are the things you will find yourself missing if you ever become sick or your life is changed in some way.

Morning Run - A Short Story

My lungs expand as I inhale a deep breath of the crisp morning air. The earthy smells of autumn are almost gone and the fresh scents of winter are beginning to creep in. Walking briskly along the concrete path I approach a park empty at this early hour of the morning but the thought of the many smiles it will bring to children’s faces today warms my heart and quickens my step. Soon I am at a fast jog, my breath warm and heavy on its way out, crisp and chilly on the way in, filling me with an excited energy.

I can smell the strong aromas of the coffee shop before I turn the corner and it comes into view, a slim lady dressed in a smart skirt and top curls her  shoulders in as she tries to absorb the warmth of the steaming beverage in her hands, her right holding the handle, her left cupped around it. Behind her sits an elderly couple smiling happily at one another deep in conversation, the early morning isn’t new to them but something they have appreciated for many years.

Replacing the smell of the coffee is the doughy smells of the bakery, my favourite treat a warm sausage roll just out of the oven. Pushing through the door the young boy behind the counter greets me with a broad smile, “Morning Jack! The usual this morning?”

He passes over a brown paper bag and I turn heading out of the door.

Once outside in the fresh air I eat, the crunch of the pastry through to the soft interior warms my insides and energises me for the last leg of my morning journey. With a quicker pace now I run past small shops not yet open and every now and then I pass someone who smiles warmly pushing me to run faster. The air pours over my face and my eyes water, the world around me passing as fast as I can make it.

Bursting through the front gate I fall to the damp grass rolling onto my back staring up at the clear blue sky. Someone kneels down next to me patting my head, “Good run today Jack! You’re a good dog!”

As he heads inside giving me one last smile, I follow him onto the front porch laying down on my comfortable blue rug staring out at the street as people begin to venture outside.

A Life Changing Moment

A Life Changing Moment

 

Drawing in an exaggerated breath I slide down the wall until my body finds the cold white tiles beneath me. Pulling my knees towards my chest I hug them finally letting my breath out loudly sighing and glance over at the small white object that holds my fate. As I feel the weight of the world settle on my shoulders I sink more heavily onto the cold floor.

How could I have let this happen?

A tear trickles down my warm cheek and I swallow hard to hold back anymore that might be waiting to break free.

Not yet! I tell them. Not until I know for sure.

Again I glance over towards it. Many women would stare in anticipation and with excitement, willing their lives to be forever changed. Not me. I look at it with both dread and anxiety knowing the power it holds over the rest of my life and what happens the moment I open the bathroom door and re-enter the outside world. The world where I would face judgement and ridicule, lose my closest friend and the respect of my family.

Shaking the thoughts from my mind I stand and lean on the vanity with both of my hands straddling the sink finding the courage to take a hard look at myself in the large mirror in front of me. Finally I lift my gaze from the shine of the white sink to my own reflection. The disgust I have for myself and the sadness that goes with it almost allows the tears that well in my eyes to cascade down my pink cheeks. Another loud swallow pushes them back.

Bravely I stare into my dark blue eyes tinted with reds and pinks, my long dark hair is tied up into a messy bun some strands have fallen out around my face and I tuck them behind my ears hands shaking. My face is paler than its usual olive complexion but I suppose that is to be expected under the current circumstances. But deeper than that, deeper than my plain, unattractive appearance, is a sixteen year old girl who did something incredibly stupid that has the potential to ruin not only her closest relationships and her reputation, but the rest of her life.

All I wanted was to feel like I was special… normal… attractive. Somebody that boys actually wanted to be with instead of ignore and only date her friends. When he approached me at the party I was sitting on a hay bale by myself staring at the fire that burned eagerly in a rusty drum that had been cut in half and lay on its side in front of me. Giggly from an array of premixed drinks I’d eagerly swallowed down to feel less nervous, I knew that nobody really wanted me to be at the party and that I had only been invited because of my best friend. The idea that maybe if I went on my own someone would see me instead of her had seemed good at the time but once there I realised how unpopular I truly was. He sat down beside me with a wide smile and knowing my best friend, his girlfriend, wasn’t allowed to attend, I enjoyed the flirtation and the way it made me feel. He said the right things; I was so pretty, one of the nicest girls he’d ever met, he didn’t really like Bec anymore, he’d always had a secret crush on me.

It was wrong, I knew it was but still I let him seduce me with dirty tasting cigarettes that left an awful pool of filth in my mouth and even more premixed drinks that made my head light and my stomach churn. We flirted and laughed and for the first time I felt as though someone really thought I was special. He lead me to a nearby park, and although panic set in when he pushed me gently to the wet grass, his affections, kind words and the amount of alcohol I’d consumed made me push the feeling away, ignore it.

He never spoke to me again, and he never broke up with Bec. Instead I lived every day with a terrible guilt and the feeling of being dirty and not good enough. He had taken so much away from me, my close friendship, my self-respect and my virginity.

Now I sit here on the edge of the bathtub awaiting the news. The instructions read it would take “just three minutes,” but it has been the longest three minutes of my life. Looking across the floor once again at the white stick I can’t make out the result, and take a slow, steady breath before I make my way over to it, lifting it from the cool tiles unable to bring myself to look directly at the panel that would determine my future.

You can do this. 
Looking down a weight shifts from my shoulders, there is only one pink line. I’m not pregnant. But the weight only moves to my heart heavier than before. Another tear escapes and rolls down my cheek, I wipe it away hiding the pregnancy test in my pocket and step through the bathroom door back to my reality.

 

- Written by L J Higgins

 

5 Years of Marriage

Today is not only Valentines Day but it is also my 5th Wedding Anniversary.

Yes, I'm aware that getting married on a day like today is quite corny but it fell on a Saturday in 2009 and my husband and I decided why not? So on the 14th February 2009 I married my best friend and the man I love on Hamilton Island in the Whitsundays. It was a simple but beautiful wedding with thirty of our closest family and friends and we celebrated afterwards with a delicious dinner at a restaurant and dancing and speeches on a nearby jetty. We had one minor glitch - the cake came without its flower toppers, but with some quick thinking and fake flowers our MC and I decorated it ourselves.

As beautiful as our wedding was and as much as we enjoyed our day I've learnt that no matter how grand, wonderful and perfect your wedding day is, it doesn't predict or ensure that your marriage will be the same. Learning to live with someone else for the rest of your life isn't always easy, we have interests that are the same and some, such as cricket, that are not. But its the differences I feel that keep our marriage interesting and both of us open minded. Although we have enjoyed highs and lows we always manage to come back to our base friendship and remember what we have from there.

 

It's easy to forget all of the things you achieve over the years and while I made my husband a little book of some of our favourite memories together for today it reminded how much we have done. Together we have bought two houses, had two gorgeous and healthy children, gone on many adventures, laughed and cried together. But we did all of these things as a team which is what got us through the stressful and happy times. We have always been willing to work at our marriage and put in the time and effort for each other when it is needed. It's easy to forget your relationship when you have children and thanks to our families who love babysitting we get the opportunity to spend time together as a couple as well as a family.

 

My husband is hard working, an amazing father, a handy man, funny and I love him very much. I'm looking forward to what the next 5 years will bring.

What inspires you?

What inspires you? This is the question I’ve been asking myself today as lately inspiration has seemed to be lacking in my life. Slowly I have allowed myself to become somewhat of a hermit, spending most of my days and nights at home not venturing out for too long if I can avoid it. This isn’t who I normally am, I usually enjoy people and getting out and doing things and it’s about time that I pushed myself back out into the world before all of my inspiration and motivation disappears.

I’ve always viewed things a little different than some of the people around me, taken the time to enjoy the shape of a tree, its size, the way its roots stretch out across the floor beneath it, its leaves reaching towards the sky. I’m sure many people in my life have heard me say randomly, “wow look at that tree!" and most of the time I am laughed at, but sometimes the person I’m with will actually take a look themselves and respond with a “yeah, look at it”. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives, where we have to be, what we have to do, that we don’t stop and enjoy where we are and what we are doing at the present time. We don’t enjoy the world that is right in front of us, our eyes already looking for the next destination. One day driving along in our car I was staring out at the clouds stretching out across the bright blue sky, white with a grey tinge underneath them, “if you think about it” I proclaimed to my husband who is use to my strange comments, “clouds are just giant dams floating in the sky”. He nodded to amuse me but sometimes I wish others could see the world the way that I do, enjoy the colours and the sounds of nature. You may think I’m going crazy, but I think I’m just taking the time to enjoy the world around me.

People are also a big inspiration to me, from my friends and the things they have had to deal with in their lives and the paths they have travelled to people like the Dalai Lama whose teachings of love and compassion reach out to millions of people. I truly enjoy listening to people’s stories and being shown photos of the past. It is as though they are giving me a small window into their lives which has helped make them the person I know today. The resilience and will to keep going in people never ceases to amaze me, some people have suffered so much but still continue to live their lives in a happy positive manner.

Of course as a mother my children inspire me every day to be the best version of myself I can be so that I can be a good role model for them. I want them to be confident but humble, compassionate and caring but stand up for what they believe in. I don’t ever want them to be embarrassed about who they are and try to be someone they are not. It would be easy for me to just tell them these things but I think leading by example is a stronger message than any lecture I could give them. They allow me to be me (for now) and don’t judge me when I pull a funny face, make a silly noise or dance and sing around the lounge room. I’m sure one day that embarrassment will creep in but I will know they love me anyway.

I’ve made a promise to myself to get out of the house more, and get back to enjoying the world outside of these walls. So many great things are set to happen this year and I don't want to miss any of it by being a recluse.

So at this point I guess the question is, what inspires you?